I can’t just hold your hand,
and disappear when the sun starts to glow.
Maybe tonight you will call me
we both know you always do
with alcohol in your blood
that’s when you’re brave.
Still I haven’t figured out
what from me it is you want.
I needed time
to sort myself out.
I admit I could use some healing.
But I know you’re not special,
you just made me believe in you
while in reality you left me kneeling.
Things turn around
spinning out of control.
I knew I would never have you
you weren’t ready to be mine,
still there I stood
against odds, against time.
Still we parted as planned,
nothing too serious,
never were we bound tight.
Now that I’m gone
you had time on your hands,
now that I’m back
I’m something you wish you had.
Don’t you remember we do not work
that’s us, before even trying we were cut short.
I thought I’d be fine at this point,
but still I’m grasping for thin threads,
expecting to get out alive,
to be able to draw a new breath.
Sometimes wishing is no good,
cause I don’t get what I thought I would.
And you’re still standing there
while I decide to run away with my fear.
I could want you a thousand times,
still it does not imply that I want you to be mine.
I could crawl back to you,
even beg for a day or two.
But I’ve learned that your heart ain’t mine to keep,
so I will just watch you while you sleep.
And remember that light shines
and I’m only belonging to myself.
And that my darling is what is supposed to be mine,
I’m belonging to myself before anyone else.
And I’ve learned I’m not made of glass
that I’m precious, though,
but I’m not going to break.
My power lies within myself
these walls I’ve built,
this mind I’ve torn,
this body I’ve burnt.
They all still beat,
they all still breathe.
I am the fire,
I heal myself from within.
You said you would keep me,
that nothing could go wrong,
But I still remember how you kissed me.
The weight crushes my bones,
breaking apart all hope.
All the walls I carefully put back up,
are starting to crack
I have always been the storm after the calm.
Still you dared to creep underneath my skin,
you said you’d hold on to me and be kind,
still you were brave enough until the ship started to sink.
Then you turned around and left me alone to swim,
heat gone, ice cold, you’re not next to me,
I wasn’t made to keep your body warm
still your touch lingers on my skin.
No time for me to say goodbye,
as I see you out with her,
you just left me out to dry.
It’s funny how I could
make the tables turn.
But there’s no need for it,
no need for the flame to burn.
I will move on,
learning to ride the waves,
forgetting about the sting of time.
You will be so much more,
with or without me.
But you won’t be mine.