Rant #1

I’ve cried all I could and emptied what I felt. There’s no more there left for you or them.I’m starting to slowly build my defenses up and turn things around. What tears and claws at my heart it’s the neglecting and refusing from the loved ones. If I don’t care about you it doesn’t matter what you think of me.
Maybe I should just be silent, speak when they need me. Learn to vent to myself. No angry or mean words, no more. I’ll build up the walls I had before but trying not to hate me in the process, this time.

Might be there’s no reason for me to be as I am as it all comes down to a belief that self value is the best a person can have.

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Is it me?

I’m starting to read between your lines,
realizing it wasn’t always that sunny by your side.
So now that I know you stabbed me,
could you tell all your lies?

We all know I haven’t had the best year,
but you wormed your way in just to deceive me.
Things started to pull at the seams and tear,
and I wonder who is at fault, is it me?

 

Crash

Certain things won’t ever make sense,
but still I can’t keep my mind from spinning.
Though we’re now in a past tense,
with you I was never sure of winning.

Still you decide to come around once more,
all we ever did was stumbling into being misunderstood.
Always got the feeling that you thought I was a bore,
now all that’s around us is the growing flood.

All the tears dried up fast still the pain last,
now I’m rewarded with weak tries after we called quit.
Thought it wouldn’t happen, but we did crash.

Feelings

Might be you never were the one for me,
still it confuses me how I manage to get back to the dark,
always ending up on the wrong side of my mind.
I’m scared knowing what might come my way,
certainly, being used to pain and rage.
I’m scared that I might end up broken beyond repair.
What if my soul never recovers, leaving my heart broken.
In certain things I seem to be done, and I accept it,
might never be that my heart will never be whole again.

What if I’m forever done with feeling?

You pull me

Somehow I know you hunt me,
expecting me to always be around.
Boy you know there’s a way to be,
I might now always be down.

I might run away if you show too cold,
might run from myself even before.
I know my limits and my fears are old,
still I know I want to stay a bit more.

Your words never soothe the fire,
you ain’t my prince charming.
I know we won’t get something higher,
you always keep me from dreaming.

Broken

My insecurities are what builds me up inside,
they pull at my skin and tear at my seams.
Sometimes I wish I could just run and hide,
but in the end nothing is what it seems.

I’m broken and scared that it’s beyond repair,
crying my heart out for a cure from myself.
I feel like I’m utterly alone, there’s no air,
no one around to care, there’s no one else.

Playing Games

Broken and scared I retrieve myself and bury my soul,
wishing one more time to face you and just stay.
I’m ready to run but don’t know if my feet will manage,
oh boy! there’s so much inside me I need to say.

There’s no way we can keep this game up forever,
I know when the time comes I’ll lie down so my heart can bleed.
No use for words that don’t mean a thing to you,
stand up and tell me what from me you truly need.